I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
