sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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