It was confusing and full of hummus
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
