New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
