a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
