I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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