My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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