he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
