wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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