worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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