The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
