I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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