You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Holy shit dude........stairs
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