They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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