That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
