chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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