Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
