I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
