I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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