This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
