I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize