We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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