I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
