i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
