She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i now understand why vodka
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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