Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
