Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
