there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
