You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just want to make out with him forever
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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