I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
