miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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