Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
