Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize