How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
