I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
