oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
