My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
