Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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