before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
