Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
nutella sex= disaster
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
