4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
