My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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