Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
