i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
