I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
