My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
