We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
