Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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