So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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