...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
