I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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