hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
