In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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