You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
