I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
