if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
