How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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