why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
