it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
