At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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