I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
