i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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