I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
