When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
whose parrot is this?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
