Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize