I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
