There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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