Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
