im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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