ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
