I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
