dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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