I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
