do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
