I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
