Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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