If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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