I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
