Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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