i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
