Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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