haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
