Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my sisters under your porch take her home
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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