You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
