I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize