There was a lot of him and a little penis
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
