Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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