i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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