we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
