I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
