Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
so much tequila, so little girl.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
