The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
