I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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