I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
