# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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