I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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