when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
