Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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