i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
