so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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