Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
