i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
