Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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