I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
