none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
