I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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