so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
