in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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