So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize