Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
