you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I licked your asshole in confidence.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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